Taking Spring Break By Storm: The Invasion of Richmond

My parents recently visited over spring break and our adventures comprise a new blog series entitled, "Taking Spring Break by Storm." In part one of a three part series, my parents and I visited Richmond on a civil war history tour. Fortunately for the Union, they were equipped with better navigators than we were in our invasion, as my mother and I left to our own devices stopped by the Virgina Museum of Fine Art, the Virginia Historical Society, and did three U turns before arriving at a single civil war history site.

Once properly on the war path, we visited the Civil War History Center at Tredegar Iron Works, the Confederate History Museum, and the White House of the Confederacy. My mother and I participated in a brief civil war reenactment which was reduced to a fist fight due to the lack of bayonets present for the photo opportunity. Luckily, we were able reconcile our differences over lunch at Shockoe Bottom with some fabulous crab bisque.

Vindication of the Pencil Test!

Lake and I spent the weekend with our wonderful friends Amber and Chris Lindsay in Washington, D.C. On our last trip to Washington, they delighted us with the news that they are expecting their first child in July. Lake's parents, who were privy to the good news before we were, have (not so) subtly suggested that we get some advice from the Lindsays on how to remedy our continuing childlessness.

As part of our weekend festivities with the Lindsays, I cleared up all uncertainty about the baby's gender by administering the scientifically-proven, surefire pencil test. The pencil test is administered by dangling a pencil from a string over a pregnant woman's wrist. If the pencil moves from side to side in a line, then it is a boy. If the pencil moves in a circle, then it is a girl. I performed three tests, the first two being inconclusive due to the persistent heckling from the father-to-be who was jumping the gun on a potential boy reading. Finally, the third test conclusively showed that the Lindsays were expecting a GIRL!!

Quite unnecessarily, the Lindsays visited an actual doctor to verify the results of pencil test. I am happy to announce that the pencil test was vindicated and the Lindsays are having a GIRL!! I am also happy to announce that if law doesn't work out, I have a future in witchdoctory!

Sleuthing "The Chicago Caper"

We had a "roaring" good time at our 1920's themed murder mystery party in January. It only took 8 guests and 4 courses to solve the whereabouts of "Hal Coppone" who we discovered was cunning disposed of by our very own "Silky"(expertly played by Reagan Foust). Lake played a district attorney corrupted by money and power and Elysa played a wild bootlegging flapper who spent most of the evening trying to keep her wig out of the Bolognese sauce.

We were fortunate to have a lively cast of suspects including Brian and Norma Roberts, Cheryl and Troy Johnson, and Regan and Shawn Foust. Brian in his knickers and argyle socks was a convincing country club frequenter and Norma gets the award for "Best Chicago Accent at a Murder Myster Dinner Event." Norma, if you comment on the blog in 30 days, you can claim some deep dish pizza as your award.

Cheryl "tourched" up the evening by playing a sultry night club singer/deadly hired assasin. (a role requring much acting versaltity and skill on her part) Troy played a professional baseball player who was all too quick to admit his penchant for throwing games for the infamous "Ernie G. Ambler" played by Shawn Foust who came stylishly dressed in a tuxedo cravet and matching cane.

Ultimately, it came down to "Silky" the menacing and discrete brothel owner to polish off "Hal Cappone."
Thank you for all who joined us for our murder mystery dinner. Look for our potential 1930's themed party sequal-"Night at the Hooverville"!

Worst Testing Conditions Ever!

In November, Elysa had to go to Richmond to take the MPRE- the national ethics exam for attorneys. The scores ranges from 50 to 150, with 100 being the mean of all exam takers. In most states the hurdle you have to clear is around 75, so the standard is pretty low. But that doesn't mean you can waltz in there and take it with your eyes closed, one hand tied behind your back.

In the UVA Law Weekly (The Law School student paper), we read about an example of one person's misperception of the average MPRE test question:

While at the local strip club, Larry Lawyer kills Clarence Client while drunk and hazed on Angel Dust. This behavior can best be described as...

A) Good
B) Bad
C) None of the Above
D) Fraggle Rock

The actually test is very technical in procedural rules. So you do need to study.

We drove to Richmond the night before, spent the night and got Elysa to the testing site by 8:00 AM. We should have know things were bad when, a few days before, Elysa was notified that her original testing site at the Marriott Conference Center had been moved to the Comfort Inn Conference. If you didn't just groan, then either you have stayed in too many Comfort Inns or too few Marriotts.

It turns out, the ethics test was bumped because the state GOP decided to hold a last minute fund raiser that weekend before the election. Personally, if you want to know why the GOP lost the Senate, I think you can blame a few hundred law students that asked God to curse the GOP for the following experience.

Elysa was dropped off at the Comfort Inn and noticed that the lobby is freezing. Richmond, the night before, had seen the thermometer drop below 20° F. It turned out that the hotel's heat had been broken for three days. Yet, the testing officials couldn't do anything about it, so the students were taking a three-hour test in, what I can only estimate, had to be somewhere around 50° F.

Testing officials led the students to the testing halls, where, it was discovered, there was less seating available than there were students. So they scrounged up some other chairs and crammed everyone onto the tables. Elysa had to straddle one of the table legs the entire time.

As the test began (the timed test, mind you), students pointed out that there was no visible time keeping device, something they were promised. Resigned to the fact that this was not their day, test administrators said they couldn't do anything about it.

And to top off the event, about half way into the test, in the conference hall adjoining the ad hoc testing center, "Fire for Christ" starts a 30 minute revival/prayer meeting. As you can deduce from their name, "Fire for Christ" didn't exactly choose the most reverent music to worship.

Aside from all that, Elysa received the score back from the test. She scored impressively high.

They Call Her "Killer"

That is Elysa's new nickname: Killer. She was renamed that by the Commonwealth Attorneys over in Waynesboro were she has been spending two days a week during the past semester. She is part of the prosecution clinic at UVA Law, a class that farms out students to the state and federal prosecuting offices in the area. And she has had some amazing experiences.

The vast majority of the class is to actually be trying real cases for the duration of the school year. She is handling cases in general district court as well as the Juvenile and Family Court, from DWIs to Assault and Battery, Drug Possession and Distribution to Sexual Predators.

From what I can gather, Elysa got the name for a couple of reasons. First, she cowboy'ed up and went with a few of the officers to the new shooting range and unloaded a few clips. I wish I had been there to see it, but she fired a Glock, a Tommy Gun, an automatic Shotgun and a M-4 rifle. I think she wants an NRA membership for Christmas.

The other reason they call her killer is that she is sharp in court and is putting away the bad guys (and gals) left and right. She has even turned on a few witnesses for committing perjury. I guess they didn't call her "Shark" because James Woods and CBS might have a trademark on the title.

Still, you don't mess with "Killer." I could have told them that after 3 1/2 years of marriage.

"I Am My Ideal" -Miles Glorious

Sorry it has been a while since we have up dated this. Let’s see if we can get you caught up.

In August, before we moved back to Charlottesville, Lake began commuting down from DC to start attending rehearsals for “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.” There was an allusion or two to it in the last posting (see if you can find it!).

Rehearsals were held for eight weeks before opening for a 3-week, 10-show run.

Lake was cast as the pompous and vain Roman Captain, Miles Glorious. Some might say he was type-cast; Lake responds by citing his incredible good looks can sometimes be a curse. Sigh.

Two awards were won by the supporting cast. First, the “Most Performances Attended by a Spouse” award went to Elysa M. Dishman, who, of the ten performances (plus a preview night) saw seven of them. For opening night’s curtain call, she held up a bright neon yellow sign that read, “I ♥ Miles.” The second award went to Paul and Beth Lynn Dishman of Provo, Utah, winning the “Most Distance Traveled to See a Performance” Award. Actually, the Dishmans tied with themselves as they saw two shows.

Settling Back in Charlottesville

Well, it has been a crazy six weeks since we returned from our summer fling in DC.

Dishmania in Dallas

Right before we left, Elysa and I made a quick trip down to Dallas to celebrate my grandmother’s 80^th birthday. It was so quick that with an unexpected five hour delay and an additional flight cancellation, we actually spent more time traveling than we did awake in Dallas! Delta received a nasty letter after our bags were lost for two days after repeated assurances that our bags were mere hours away from delivery. Delta, you are on notice!

Despite difficult disservices, Delta didn’t damper Dallas’ diversions (Very good! Can you say, “Titus the tailor told ten tall tales to Titania the titmouse?”). After spending the morning with Eldie and Sam, we spent part of the afternoon shopping and part with catching up with my Aunt Kessa (Her real name is Jessica, but you try saying “Jessica” when you are two years old. It stuck.) and her family.

The highlight of the event was our celebration that evening. We went downtown to the top floors of one of the skyscrapers of the Dallas skyline to the swanky Petroleum Club, one of the most fun dining experiences in Dallas. The food, dancing and company were all exquisite! I think everyone agreed that we needed to do that more often.

Sweet Home Charlottesville

After returning from Dallas, Elysa and I packed up our trusty Ford Focus and headed back to C’ville. It turned out that while in DC we accumulated a few more items than we estimated. The high- (or low-point) of the process found Elysa sitting on a hotel baggage cart surrounded by the last load scattered on the parking garage floor while I am grumbling something about being mistaken about the relationship between packing and Hell. I thought that packing was Hell, but it turns out that, based on the temperature of the parking garage, you can actually pack in Hell. The car was almost completely full and the only way I could fit anything else in was to shut all the doors, roll down the windows and start stuffing in the gaps while slowly rolling up the windows. At that moment, Elysa said “I wish there was something I could do to help” to which I replied, “You’re not complaining and that is the best thing you could do right now!” We had a good laugh.

The Master Packer (Yes, I have self-crowned myself, but only after several amazing feats of skill and strength. If you have a problem with it, tough…. This is my blog after all) proved victorious yet again, getting everything in the car, minus one clothes drying rack that was slated for release anyway. We got in the car a short time later and drove towards our home nestled below the Blue Ridge Mountains (well, they are more like speed bumps, but don’t tell any of the locals).

We Have a New Addition to the Family...

Getting back to Charlottesville was nice. We were able to finally see old friends again. The pace is admittedly a little more relaxing (maybe a little too much!). But, upon our return, we discovered that we were going to need to breakdown and buy two things we have put off as long as possible: the internet and a second car. How we made it through these past two years without either, Elysa and I don't know. But, we now have both.

The internet was simply a decision of replacing our telephone land line and swapping it for the internet. Done. But the car took on a more complex set of decisions. And you can come to your own conclusion about what you would have done under the circumstances. My ten deacons (the 12 and 13 year olds I teach every Sunday in church) certainly did. In a lesson about decision-making skills, the ten put there heads together and came up with an entirely different solution: They recommended that we get a horse. Or a bullet bike.

After looking around at what used cars were out there, Elysa and I learned that a four year old Honda Civic with 80,000 miles was roughly $4,000 less than a brand-spanking new one. I ran the numbers and decided that with the loan we were going to get, it was too good to pass up a car that basically depreciated $1,000 a year, would be under full warranty and would have no previous owners. I called my Dad five times to talk me out of it. Each time I called, he said, “You know, I’ve been thinking more about this decision and I have come up with another reason you should get this car.” Thanks a lot.

I asked Elysa if she had talked to her parents about the decision. She said “no” and “claimed” it was because her folks were in Hawaii. But I knew the real truth. She didn’t want anything to interfere with something that she has been planning/dreaming since the day we got married: Her chance to buy a car not made by the Ford Motor Company. You see, her family owns Smith Family Auto in Spanish Fork, Utah and there are some fierce loyalties to that dealership since it has been in the family now for four generations. Which is understandable.

But when you live on the other side of the Mississippi River from Smith Family Auto, there are some things even those loyalties can’t surmount (like the Mississippi). So here was Elysa’s big chance for a big break. And she wasn’t about to blow it. I asked her if she was concerned about breaking from precedent. Ever the attorney, she stated in no uncertain terms that the precedent had already been broken when, in the summer of 2005, a one Ron Bowen, DDS purchased a used, silver Mercedes-Benz SLK320 convertible, hereafter known as “Zippy-Peppy” (a name that Elysa gave it), thus breaking from previous case law requiring members of the Bowen family to purchase from the aforementioned Smith Family Auto dealership. I guess the only requirement is that our new car had to be silver too.

So one Thursday after work, we went to the local dealership, Brown Honda, and they only had the EX version. The only differences between the middle-line model (LX) and the high-end model (EX) is a sunroof, keyless trunk entry and $2,000. We told Kim the sales guy that we weren’t interested. We went home that Thursday evening and decided to regroup Friday at lunch (mind you, the principle reason we are having to get this car is that starting Monday morning, Elysa will be driving 60 miles round trip once, twice, sometimes three times a week for her prosecution clinic). At lunch the next day we started calling dealerships and, I have to say it was the most fun I have ever had in spending that amount of money.

Each call went something like this: I asked to speak to the New Car Sales Manager. I told him/her I was interested in a new Civic LX and asked if they have any, in what colors and at what price? They quoted me some number. Then I said, “Look. I need to buy this car this afternoon. I have all of my financing in order. I am in Charlottesville, Brown Auto doesn’t have any and I need to decide which direction to drive this afternoon.” Now, these places we were calling are all at least 30 miles away, but we are calling even farther, like Richmond and Fredricksburg. The average distance from us to these dealerships had to be about 60 miles away. Anyway, all of a sudden my “drive-away” price is much lower than what they originally stated. Weird, huh?

Well, I told each of them that I had a couple of more phone calls to make and would call them right back. We got all the prices together and then started round two. “Thanks for your time, but someone told us we could have the car for a lower price.” Most of them revised their offers again. We couldn’t help but laugh.

While we were calling around, one of the last places we spoke to was Harrisonburg Honda. We asked if he had any 2006 Civic LXs. The guy on the other end said “No.” But he did have two 2007 Civic LXs that had arrived this morning. After the same schpiel, the guy quoted us the best price! Round two ended with only one person to bid lower, and then by only $300, but they were twice as far away and the car wasn’t an 07. We called Harrisonburg back and told them that we were coming to take the silver one!

As Elysa and I drove over, we described ourselves as “uncomfortably calm.” I called my dad that fifth (and last time) for him to talk me out of it. No dice. When we got to the dealership, the car was all gased and ready for a test drive. I jumped in first and noticed that it had only one mile on it! It turned out that the car had just rolled off the assembly line the prior afternoon, drove all night on the truck and got to the dealership that morning. If that is how fast ALL Hondas move, then I suggest investing in some Honda stock! Elysa took it for a spin; we signed the paperwork and came home with a new addition to the family!